Oh yah. That reminds me...

Sometimes I have to sit with an issue before I can put my words together. Sometimes I think I'm through with an issue, I've moved on, and then a post on social media, a passage from a book, a casual comment made in passing gets me questioning my stance on something. I love it when that happens. I enjoy self-reflection (especially on a long, hot run). 

This time, it was a line from an audio book. I'll get to that (although there may be some rambling first). 

I recently wrote a post on FB about Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez's speech to the House of Representatives after being called a fucking bitch by Congressman Yoho. I was surprised that so many reactions to his actions centered around her. People were criticizing her to justify his actions. 

And then someone made a reply to the post that basically said, "Well to be fair, she has said some pretty disrespectful things about our president in the past." That is not a direct quote. The actual comment was longer, and I can't remember it or go back and check it because the reply was deleted. 

It was a prime example of sullying her so that his gross actions are easier to stomach.

But here's the thing. I hadn't intended the post to be political. My first thought wasn't politics (even though obviously this incident involved two politicians). 

I don't care about her political affiliation. I don't care about his political affiliation. I don't give a rat's ass what either of them think of our president. Nope. My thought was simply...

NO MAN SHOULD SPEAK TO A WOMAN THAT WAY.

Let me say it louder for the people in the back. 

NO MAN SHOULD SPEAK TO A WOMAN THAT WAY.

Now, obviously there are people who are fine with a man speaking to a woman that way. Or maybe they're just fine with a man speaking to a woman they don't like that way. I don't know. You'd have to ask them. But when your reaction to HIS behavior centers around HER shortcomings, you are indeed fine with it. 

Maybe it's a double standard. OK. Guilty. I'm placing an expectation on men that I don't place on women. I don't care. And there's no need to argue that point because you won't change my mind.

NO MAN SHOULD SPEAK TO A WOMAN THAT WAY.

But you can help me with this notion that I've been batting around ever since I started down this path.

Is a double standard still unacceptable (for lack of a better word) if it is in response to a double standard? 

Or is it like using double negatives in the world of grammar? Or math?

Two negatives equal a positive. 

Women have been bred, raised, and trained for generations to uphold the status quo. Men have not. Women have been taught to speak when spoken to and to only do it politely and quietly. Men have not. Women have been taught to look pretty while remaining silent. Men have not. We have undoubtedly had double standards for the lessons taught to our daughters and our sons in the past. They had different norms and social expectations. A double standard plain and clear. 

Now, we live in an age where women and young girls are breaking that mold. They are speaking out against the status quo. Current generations of women have found their voices and in doing so are often labeled mouthy, disrespectful, and yes, fucking bitches (thank you Congressman Yoho for making my point). 

When a man speaks to a woman that way, it feels like a throwback to the days when we were expected to cower to a man's wishes, do as we were told, and in general shut the fuck up. It reeks of intimidation.  Maybe that's why I don't care if it is a double standard. 

NO MAN SHOULD SPEAK TO A WOMAN THAT WAY.

Oh, and for the record, I don't have a problem with profanity, so don't come at me with my love of the word fuck as if that is also a double standard. Men and women alike can throw around all the profanity they want in certain situations. I say fuck more frequent than I take breaths when I run, and I've greeted many friends with, "Hey bitch." It's not the same.

NO MAN SHOULD SPEAK TO A WOMAN THAT WAY.

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I haven't forgotten that this reboot of reflection started with a line from an audio book. Here it is. 

It comes from the chapter titled "Gatherings" of Glennon Doyle's Untamed. In that chapter, her teenage son and his friends are watching a movie when the author peeks in and asks if anyone is hungry. The boys continue watching the movie and shout YES! Then she watches the girls look at one another, polling the face of each other girl, refusing to answer until they know the acceptable response. She comments on how obvious it was that the boys were able to look within to know what they needed. The girls had to look to others. She describes the phenomenon much more articulately than I am doing, and then she writes,

"We forgot how to know when we learned how to please. This is why we live hungry." 

Now that's a line!

Women like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have learned how to know. Women like my friend Ashley, standing up for her daughter's right to love and marry whomever her heart desires, have learned how to know. Women who are raising boys who don't speak to women the way Congressman Yoho did have learned how to know. 

And they're teaching it to future generations. 

Well done, you bunch of fabulous fucking bitches! Well done!

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