Having said that, I have participated in several political debates on social media over the last year. I'm guessing most people probably have. For the most part, they have been thought-provoking and respectful. Several even ended with, "That was fun. Thanks." I do love a good debate.
But in the last few days specifically, I have read blogs and Facebook posts that made me cringe, a few that made me cry, and one that made me feel like I had been punched in the gut.
Why, after a year of political rhetoric, has the nature of the game changed? Why is everyone so upset? Because thousands of women got together and marched. They marched peacefully and from what I saw respectfully for what I can only guess are hundreds of different reasons.
And apparently, that makes people really, really mad. And nasty. And I just don't get it.
You don't have to agree with their reasons or even know what their reasons are to refrain from insulting them. How hard of a concept is that?
I am sad to say I did not march. I am happy to say it is because I chose to stay for my son's basketball game. But really, that is no excuse. I could have driven up to Austin that morning, but I didn't. I wish I had. I wish I had been there to enjoy the beauty of the moment so that maybe the critics wouldn't be getting to me like they are. Maybe I would still be on a sisterhood high.
Last year, I participated in the Walk To End Alzheimer's. Here are some criticisms I have heard over and over in regard to the recent women's marches. They also apply to the Alzheimer's walk:
- People were inconvenienced because the roads had to be closed. - Yup, they shut down an entire three-mile loop in the middle of Houston for our Alzheimer's walk.
- Police officers had to be on duty away from their families. - You guessed it. They were there at every turn.
- What are you complaining about? None of your rights have been taken. - I don't have Alzheimer's either. I didn't walk for me. I walked for the future.
- They made a mess and left trash everywhere. So disrespectful! - Even I'll give a big ol' shame on you for this one. I hate littering. But wait...I did throw my water cups down along the route of the walk. And there was a clean-up crew who came out afterwards to clean everything up.
And yet...no one criticized that walk (that I know of). No one called me stupid for participating. I didn't read anything the next day that made me hurt for the ugliness it showed in the person who wrote it.
A cousin (I have many, so good luck figuring out which one) asked me yesterday why I cared and why I wished I had marched. I don't think she (yes, she) meant it disrespectfully. She genuinely wanted to know what my issue was. She assumed it was an anti-Trump march because of his pussy-grabbing tendencies, and it very well may have been for many. For me, it was more about women's health rights. specifically the defunding of Planned Parenthood that we all see looming around the corner. It's an issue near and dear to my heart, and for that I marched in spirit.
I don't know what percent of Planned Parenthood's services are abortions. I believe I read something once that said it is 3%, but I don't even remember where I read that. The bottom line is I DON'T CARE. I don't care what percent of their services are abortions. I don't care because regardless of my beliefs about abortion, those services are perfectly legal medical procedures that are being provided to women who have made that choice for a multitude of reasons I never want to have to understand.
What I do care about is the remaining percentage of services that they provide. I care that they make birth control available to all women at a time when not all insurance companies find it necessary. Viagra? Sure, no problem. But birth control? That's controversial. I care about the millions of women who receive mammograms and pelvic exams free of charge regardless of if they have insurance or not. I care about the percentage of those millions who then have to hear the gut wrenching phrase "stage one" and are too devastated in that moment to realize how amazing it is that they are not hearing "stage four."
And I care about prenatal care. Did you even know that Planned Parenthood provides prenatal care? Most people don't. They do.
I care because when I was a broke, pregnant college student, that is exactly what they provided for me. Medicaid does you no good when you can't find a doctor who will accept it and therefore will accept you. I care because Planned Parenthood accepts everyone.
To this day, I am thankful for the prenatal vitamins, the nutritional counseling, the check-ups, and the guidance they provided. 21 years later I remain thankful that Planned Parenthood has always been more than abortions.
I don't know if Ryan's health or circumstances would be any different if I hadn't received proper prenatal care. I'll never have to know. And if marching down the street with thousands of other women or calling legislators or signing petitions and being called a crazy feminist means one other young girl will never have to know that either, then it seems like time well spent.
Speaking out about women's rights isn't about being a victim. I don't feel like a second-class citizen. I'm a middle class white woman with a good job and a comfortable home. I live a damn good life. And I owe it to the women who marched before me to show my gratitude by marching us forward.
So I thank you, Judy Bolin and your band of badass women. I thank you, women from across the country who marched with love and solidarity. I thank you for showing grace and composure in the days that followed when you were belittled and insulted. You held your heads and your signs high, and I want you to know it mattered. There is a little girl out there somewhere who doesn't know you did it for her, but someday she'll think back and thank you.
And as for that Facebook post that made me cry, and question my faith, and in the end, deactivate my account, I'm through being mad at her. I'm through letting her ugly words have that kind of control over me.
I'm better than that.
I'm stronger than that.
Some amazing women paved the way for me to know that.
