That's Not What Hate Looks Like

I was recently accused of hating our president. Well the exact wording was, "Just admit that you hate your president and be done with it." I take that as an accusation, and I can only think of two reasons why it might have been made:

1. This person does hate people he disagrees with. See, the conversation was about something our president had done that I disagreed with (I'll get to that) and so clearly (in this person's mind) I must hate him. What a sad way to go through life, hating anyone you disagree with. That makes me sad for him.
or
2. Maybe he doesn't hate everyone he disagrees with, but he felt comfortable assuming that about me. Again, what a sad way to go through life, assuming hate in others. That too makes me sad for him.

Bottom line, the conversation made me sad. It's not the first. It won't be the last.

The topic of discussion (and I'm referring to an online discussion) was about President Trump's tweet tirade in regard to Greta Thunberg being named People's Person of the Year. The original post was a very nice and even handed statement about the media's impact on the craziness of today's political climate, specifically the current topic of climate change (sorry to the poster if that doesn't seem like an accurate summary).

And I chimed in: "Politics aside, Thunberg is just a sixteen year old girl speaking out for what she believes in. She didn’t change the world or stop climate change. But she did go after something she is passionate about. He is a grown man who pitched a cyber fit and bad mouthed her because she got an award he thought he deserved. Whether he agrees with her or not, politician or not, that’s ridiculous."

I stand behind that adjective, ridiculous. That behavior is ridiculous (no matter who it comes from). It's not OK for a grown man to engage with an autistic child, or ANY child, in a public forum even if she has put herself in the public eye. It's just not, and that's just my opinion. Be the grown up. In this case, that grown up happens to be an elected official who represents ME. My president. The president of the United States of America. On Twitter. Telling a 16 year-old autistic child that she needs anger management and that he definitely is the person of the year. I find that embarrassing (which I also stated in the conversation).

Not long before, public comments had been made about President Trump's son and Melania, who has been a very private, very quiet first lady, spoke out saying children should be left out of politics. Yah. She's right. She just forgot to tell her husband. Shame on the people who made disparaging comments about Barron. And shame on President Trump for doing the same to someone else's child.

In pointing that out, let's not forget, I got, "Just admit that you hate your president and be done with it."

And that has been a large focus of my political lense for the past three years. You see, I'm not a particularly educated person when it comes to federal policy. If it doesn't have to do with education or women's rights/equality, I probably can't chime in to your over-my-head-conversation, and those two topics are really states' issues. So federal policy? I can't tell you much.

Has President Trump's presidency negatively impacted me directly? Not that I know of. Neither has any other presidency in a concrete way I can name. I work in a field with fairly good job security and am a middle class single mom who always gets a decent tax return (but then again any return is enough to make me happy). Now governors? I can go off on a few of them, but like I said, I can't tell you much about federal policy or any president's direct impact on me. That is something I am neither proud nor ashamed of. It's just an area where I can't keep up with some of my smarty friends and family.

Politics, policy, legislation isn't my issue (if you can call it that). President Trump isn't my issue. It is how people respond to him that I often find gross. And often makes me sad.

You're going to think this is a stupid example, but it is one that has stuck with me. It goes all the way back to the time of the debates, when President Trump said, "Look at her face. Who would vote for that?" Now, if any of my family (very devout Republicans) are reading this, they have inevitably come up with at least three smartass comments about Hillary's face, but he didn't say it about her. He said it about Carly Fiorina, the only woman on the Republican ticket at the time. The only woman in his own party who had stepped up to the plate to give it a go. He didn't make disparaging comments about the looks of any of the men in the running. What were there, five of them at that time? It was only for the only woman standing that he chose to focus on her looks instead of her ideas.

But remember, I said he isn't my issue. He is just one man who made a crappy comment about a woman's looks. They're a dime a dozen. The issue was the response, at least in my little corner of the world. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Well, at least he doesn't care about being politically correct." "He's just keeping it real." "I like that he tells it like he sees it." "Awwww, come on, he's just being a guy."

And that is the problem.

I imagine my nephew running for student council in a couple of years and pointing at the little girl next to him and saying, "Look at her face. Who would vote for that?"

Would those same people be so proud of him and respond, "That's our boy! We just love that he's not politically correct. He just tells it like he sees it." I hope not, but I don't know any more. It seems to me, and it's just my perspective, that President Trump has empowered the worst in people. He's made it OK to say things like that (and many others) because if we can celebrate it (or even tolerate it) from a president, we're giving it our seal of approval.

And therein lies my sadness. Not in him but in the reactions of people I know and love.

Like I said, many of you will think that is a silly example, but remember, I take women's equality to heart, and making a political campaign about looks, but only the woman's looks, struck a chord with me. And the fact that it was during the debates struck a chord with me. It was during a time when candidates put their best foot forward and try to convince us of WHO THEY ARE.

He did.

And we liked it.

Why is it not OK to say that a particular behavior is bad? Why does that have to mean I have hate in my heart? Or am unamerican? Have we become so divisive that those are the only options? It's all or none. Support every word and every action or you're a hater (that word was also thrown into the discussion) who needs to leave the country. I've actually been asked that: Well then, why don't you just leave?

Really? Leave the country I love because I disagree with a particular statement, idea, or behavior? Is that a serious question?

I've been guilty of bad behavior many times. Soooooo many times. And those who love me and support me have told me to cut that shit out, also many times.

Not because they hate me. That's not what hate looks like. They criticized me because my behavior was ridiculous. So was President Trump's. Stop tweeting about children, for Pete's sake. You're the fucking president.